TNZKMA 81

８１

 

[Saine……?]
[Why, don’t you, trust me……]

 

Voice leaks out from Saine’s tightly clenched teeth.

 

[Didn’t I tell you to rely on me if anything happened? Over and over, I have told you to count on me!]

 

Saine hit his chest with a *don*.

 

[Bu, but, but you know, even if it’s you, there’s nothing that can be done no matter what you do. You can’t make a man a woman, and no matter what I do, I can’t get pregnant……]

 

It’s not that I don’t trust Saine. But, this is truly hopeless. It’s hopeless even with Olphynn’s spells. It’s impossible to change a man’s body into a woman’s unless you’re the same level as a god.
I also shed tears as if sucked in by Saine. I thought it had already dried up, but new tears welled up one after another. Finally I raised my voice and cried. Gripping both hands, Saine stared intently at my who was wailing like a child with a ‘waah, waah’ and groaned a little.

 

[Shit!]

 

After spitting that, Saine tightly hugged me. And then, he kissed me as I kept crying with my mouth wide open.
I stopped crying in surprise. When I looked at Saine at the close distance while being kissed, his pitch black eyes were glaring at me.

 

[Ah, damn, I’ll stop.]

 

Saine took his mouth off and said that. I felt a pang of pain in my chest but I smiled and nodded.

 

[It’s okay, I understand. I’m fine with whoever.]

 

I won’t ask for luxury. Male Reincarnators are useless for anything. If my only role is to be punched and kicked, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Saine intently looked down at me, then suddenly laughed.

 

[Have you forgotten what I said earlier?]
[What?]
[I told you to trust me, didn’t I?]
[You mean about choosing my next husband?]

 

When I tilted my head, Saine smacked me on the head.

 

[No. I should have repeated myself many times already. I’m not selling you.]
[……Your promise of forever? But you said that on the premise that I can give birth, right? I can’t get pregnant, you know?]
[That’s why I said that I quit. I won’t wish for a child. I meant to say that I’ll give up on having a child.]

 

I looked up to Saine in amazement. Children are a priority to the people here, right? That’s why they pay 1 million ales to take the Ceremony and desire a Reincarnator. To the extent that they redo it if a man comes out.

 

[Chi……You’ll forget about the child? You don’t need to force yourself. You’re kind so you may be concerned about me, but it’s okay. You’ll forget me soon. Once a woman comes out and gives you a child, Saine, you can live in happiness and forget about me.]

 

I grab Saine’s clothes and persuade him.

 

[What do you want?]
[Don’t worry about me.]
[I can’t possibly not worry about you. What do you want?]
[Like I said, forget about me. Why do you always ask me? What I want doesn’t matter.]

 

Even though I desperately appealed to him, Saine looked at me with eyes that didn’t seem to want me to escape and repeated himself.

 

[What, do you want?]
[I……. I…………]

 

I know exactly what I want. But that is not allowed. I never got anything that I wanted. I’m, that’s because I always wanted something impossible. That’s why, it was normal to not get it.
What I want isn’t important. It’s what Saine wants. Because I won’t be able to choose without it. Dad does what he wants and mom chooses what she wants. What’s left is what I’ll get. Otherwise, horrible things will happen. The order is important. Above all, it must be protected.

 

That’s why I asked Saine. What does Saine want? He wants a child, right? Then he needs a woman, not me. I will be in the way so I want to be sold in order to have the woman go to Saine’s house. So first, he must sell me.
Even though I’ve been saying that, I kept telling him that but Saine doesn’t understand. Asking me what I want, something like that, something like that…………

 

Something I want to do. There’s just one. I want to be with Saine. I want to stay with him forever. That is the only thing I want.

 

[What do you want?]

 

Saine asked in a low voice. It’s Saine’s low and calm voice. Saine’s big and warm hand strokes my cheek. As if prompted by Saine’s hand, the emotions that I’ve been suppressing poked through my face.

 

[Saine…… be with……]

 

Tears overflow from my eyes as I look up at Saine.

 

[Saine, I want to be with you, always…… ugh]

 

Unable to stop the overflowing emotions, I gritted my teeth and cried. I can’t. This selfishness is unforgivable. There’s nothing good about me pushing someone aside. Saine will hate me for being like this.

 

[Sorry, Saine, sorry…… I have, always been, a burden, right…… I shouldn’t do that…… Sorry, I know that……but, but]

 

As my shoulders tremble with every hiccup, I looked at Saine with my swaying vision.

 

[But, you know…… Saine, I really…………. love you……….]

 

I was messy with tears, snot, and other stuff, but Saine hugged me without minding those things. He presses me tightly on his chest.
Then, Saine muttered.

 

[Great job.]

 

His voice was so gentle, as if he felt relieved from the bottom of his heart.